Picture this: You’re sitting across from opposing counsel. Stakes are high (as always). Your client’s future hangs in the balance. Naturally, you do what every lawyer has been trained to do since law school – you prepare your strongest arguments, marshal your best evidence, and get ready to demolish theirs.
But here’s the brutal truth: You’re not negotiating. You’re arguing. And that’s exactly why you’re leaving millions on the table.
Our Training Betrays Us
As lawyers, we master two core skills: legal analysis and argumentation. We spend years perfecting the art of building bulletproof cases and delivering compelling arguments. These skills make us into courtroom warriors and sometimes deal wizards.
But they also make us terrible negotiators.
Yes, I said it.
The problem? Most lawyers confuse arguing with negotiating. It’s an understandable mistake. Both involve conflict, both require persuasion, both happen when interests clash. But they couldn’t be more different.
The Argument Trap
When we slip into argument mode during negotiations, we become laser-focused on our position. We highlight our strongest points. We defend our legal standing. We dig in our heels and prepare to stonewall any challenge to our case.
Sound familiar? It’s exactly what we do in court (and yes, it works great there! But there you also have a neutral third person deciding for you ..)
Here’s what argument mode doesn’t include:
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Listening to understand the other side’s real concerns
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Asking questions to uncover hidden drivers
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Looking for underlying needs beyond their stated positions
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Focusing on the other person’s perspective and motivations
We become so wrapped up in proving we’re right that we forget to discover what the other party actually wants.
Why This Sabotages Success
Sure, aggressive argumentation might win you the case in front of a judge. It might even force a short-term victory in some negotiations. But when it comes to building long-term client value and creating sustainable success, it backfires spectacularly.
Here’s why: People ultimately only do things for their reasons, not yours.
When you spend the entire negotiation explaining why your position is legally sound, you’re speaking a language your counterpart may not care about. The opposing party isn’t thinking about legal precedent – they’re thinking about their client’s business needs, their personal reputation, their deadline pressures, their budget constraints.
The Path Forward
The most successful lawyers understand that negotiation isn’t about being right – it’s about being effective. It’s not about having the strongest argument – it’s about finding the solution that best serves your client’s interests.
This means learning to ask better questions, listen more intently, and focus on understanding the human being across the table. It means recognizing that your legal brilliance is just one tool in your toolkit, not the only one.
TLDR:
➡️Stop arguing your way to mediocre results.
➡️Start negotiating your way to extraordinary outcomes.
➡️Because in the end, your clients don’t pay you to be right. They pay you to be successful.
To your negotiation success!
Your Negotiation Whisperer
If you enjoyed this content, join our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.
Want to learn more about effective preparation and how you can beat even more senior negotiators? Joining one of our online courses or organizing a tailor-made live training session for your organization will put you en par with over 15,000 leading lawyers from Fortune 100 companies to Tier 1 law firms globally.
Reach out to me at claudia@necademy.com to discuss!
