Negotiation Skills 101: Interest-based Negotiations – Start With Why

Man thinking about interests in a negotiation - thinking about why his counterparty wants what they want

Picture a potential client walking through the door seeking your legal services to sue one of his rivals.

After he explains his case to you, you inform him that settling out of court makes more sense as fighting the case in court will take too long and be too expensive. He responds with this cliché:

“It’s not about the money; it’s about sending a message.”

What’s his desired position? To sue his opponent.

What is his interest here? Revenge.

Tough.

As negotiators, knowing your client’s interests and positions is key to preparing for any successful negotiation.

Starting Negotiations With Why:
How Finding Interests in Negotiation Creates Value

Finding out each other’s interests can reveal more value (or money) for both parties.

You might know this age-old example from Getting to Yes: Two sisters negotiate for the same orange and eventually agree to split the orange in half. This looks like a fair outcome, but if they asked each other what they wanted the orange for, both could have gotten more of what they needed.

A position refers to “What you want.” In this case, each sister wanted the whole orange.

Interests refer to “Why you want it.” In this example, one sister wanted to use the peel for a recipe while the other wanted to make orange juice. Had they known why each wanted the orange, one would have the whole peel and the other would have the whole orange’s worth of juice.

Iceberg illustrating that positions are the tip of the iceberg. Interests are always under the surface and require some exploration. The result is being able to create value for both sides expanding the pie for all

If negotiators only focus on positions, there’s a tendency to slip into a competitive mindset. That causes us to dig in and only focus on trying to get a larger slice of the pie. Position-focused negotiation could also lead to underlying interests not being fulfilled, unsatisfactory outcomes for both parties and possibly a breakdown in the relationship.

Interests tend to be easier to reconcile than positions, and focusing on interests provides more room to find win-win solutions. By uncovering what each party needs, like in the orange example, there could be ways to satisfy both parties’ true needs and create more value for both sides.

Finding Your Client’s Interest

When preparing for a negotiation, your clients will give you their position, but it’s up to you to figure out their interests. Without understanding their interests, you could face situations where getting them their desired position still leaves them unsatisfied if their true interests are still unmet.

While preparing for your negotiation, have a meeting with your key stakeholders to find out their positions, priorities,  and requirements. During this discussion, focus on their motivations by asking them to explain the underlying needs or benefits of their positions.

This process could take some time, and regular check-ins throughout the negotiation process could help you better understand what your side is looking for.

Here are some questions, known as chunking questions, you can ask:

  • “If you had [what you want], what would that do for you/your business?”
  • “Can you tell me more about what we are hoping to achieve by [What they asked you for]” ?”
  • “How is [what you want] helping you make things work/right?”

Finding Your Negotiation Counterparty’s Interest

There are 2 main types of negotiation: competitive negotiation and collaborative negotiation.

In a competitive negotiation, what matters is ‘more for me, less for you.’

But when we start with competitive negotiation right out the gate, we refuse to share or learn information. If our counterparty reciprocates competitively, you’ll end with a zero-sum game situation.

People tend to resist answering questions during negotiations if they view negotiation as a competition. When they think this way, they won’t answer questions for fear of being taken advantage of or giving too much away.

Collaborative negotiation, on the other hand, is about growing value together, so the focus is not on ‘less for you’ but ‘more for myself’ by making the pie bigger.

Moving towards collaborative negotiations and away from competitive negotiations requires us to share information strategically and get them to reciprocate. Here are some tips to do that:

Build trust first

If our counterparty doesn’t trust us, they’ll play their cards close to their chest. Reciprocity is key, and we won’t learn anything from them if we don’t share some information with them first.

To know what to share, we must shift our mindsets away from “share as little as possible” to “withhold only what’s necessary.”

Prepare and take small steps:

Preparation lets us know what information is key to our position and which ones we can share more freely. Knowing this prevents us from defaulting to competitive negotiation which could kill any value creation opportunities.

When negotiating with your counterparty, gradually build up sharing and be careful with what you’re giving away, especially if your counterparty is a competitor.

We’ll still need to focus on the outcomes of our decisions, so don’t give anything away without expecting anything in return.

Ask questions carefully:

Once you’ve gained their trust, you can then ask probing questions to uncover their interests. For example, if they state their position you can ask these questions to lead them towards discussing interests instead:

  • “If you had what it is you want, how would that help you?”
  • “How is that useful to you?”

You can also use open questions once you’ve built sufficient trust with them to uncover their interests:

  • “What do you need to achieve?”
  • “What is most important to you?”
  • “What would it take for this to work for both of us?”

Here are other probing questions that you can also try:

Nudging probes: Saying things like “I see,” and “What happened after that?” can get people to open up and answer more thoroughly if they are initially resisting questions

Silence probe: Sometimes, choosing not to speak but using body language, like nodding, to show that you’re still listening could encourage them to speak more. They could end up giving you valuable information this way.

Information probe: This is a follow-up question that asks for more information regarding a response that seems to be incomplete. You can follow up some of their responses by asking “When you say you need more X, could you be more specific?”

Summary probe: This involves summarizing your counterpart’s responses so far. This can show them that you’ve been paying attention and could get them to elaborate further on what they’ve already shared.

Clearinghouse probe: This is a blanket question to let the counterparty provide more information about given issues. One example is “Is there anything else that we still need to cover about this deal?”

 

Understanding interests can transform negotiations, making outcomes more satisfactory for all parties involved.

However, there is a fine line to walk when using interest-based negotiation. We need to be strategic when handling both our clients and the counterparty so that we don’t slip into competitive bargaining too quickly or get taken advantage of during negotiations.

Want to learn more about using interests strategically or about negotiation? Join our live sessions or online courses at Negotiation Academy. Start improving your negotiation skills today!

Also, if you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.

At Negotiation Academy, we’re on a mission to make negotiation skills second nature to everyone because we believe that negotiation is one of the most influential skills for your career, life, and business. 

google-site-verification: google59e88a3c63305baf.html

Creating and Capturing Value in Negotiations as In House Counsel

70% of in-house counsel said they negotiate “daily” or “all the time” when polled at the recent ACC (Association of Corporate Counsel) APAC Annual Conference where I spoke with my dear colleagues Terry D. Thornley, General Counsel APAC Spencer Stuart, Nathalia Lossovska, Head of Legal, APAC Willis Tower Watson, and Wee Meng Chuan, CEO of the Singapore International Mediation Centre.

Yet at the same time, only 30% feel adequately equipped with skills and tools to optimize their results.

Building on these all-too-common statistics, my co-panellists and I shared some of the most effective negotiation approaches and common mistakes. This post summarizes the top 5 learnings and stories for in-house counsel to take away for their daily work, and one that you can use for your personal gourmet adventures around the world 😊

1. Uncover the true interests of the other party

Imagine a common contracting issue: A successful architect sues a developer for unpaid fees on a project he had worked on but because of a dispute was not able to finish. To add insult to injury, after his removal from the project, the developer submitted the development for a design competition and won. But the name of the original architect had been removed. Sting!

It was only in Mediation, a process of facilitated negotiation that uses the help of a neutral third person, that the parties discovered that this sting, not the money, was the main driver for the architect’s claim. With the architect’s name back on the project, the developer went on to compete in a second competition, and the deal was sealed. A win-win also for the developer, who submits his project with the name of this famous architect.

Remember: Positions are what the other side will tell you, e.g. suing for money. Interests are what they are really after, e.g. recognition and reputation here. But you have to build trust with the other side and dig deeper to find out about these!

2. Uncover the real power of your alternatives

A supplier with the contractual obligation to deliver a specific gearbox part to you suddenly demands a 20% price increase, or they will stop delivering next quarter. Your business chiefs try to negotiate, but the supplier won’t budge. Fronts are hard. So the chiefs come running to you. “Enforce this contract with full steam.”

The situation looks dire: Failing further deliveries, your plant of 5,000 people will stand still within as little as 2 months. A positive outcome of a lawsuit is far from guaranteed under the current market conditions with the supplier claiming all kinds of hardship. And even IF you win, enforcement will never be fast enough to keep your plant running. You may have a contractual right – but no power to force the other side to deliver. In Negotiator terms: Your BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement, aka Plan B) is weak. That is wrong. It’s horrible.

Once in-house counsel in this case had analysed the full picture of the situation, only one real alternative emerged, and it was not “enforcing with full steam”. The company had to get back to the negotiation table if they wanted to rescue this.

Reopening stalled negotiations and finding common ground was not an easy task, but paid off when they found out that the supplier’s main shareholder wanted to get rid of this unprofitable part of the business. Together they found a buyer who agreed to purchase the business unit and the client offered a longer contract with minimum quantities as a guarantee. The plant keeps running. The supplier also achieved their goal of selling.

Remember: When the business comes to you and shouts for “enforcement” and “getting their rights”, make sure you take a step back and analyse your alternatives (BATNA) and the most likely outcome to achieve the actual business needs behind it. As mentioned in point #1, people will come with their positions. Your job is to find their interests and get them the corresponding results.

3. Prepare – prepare – prepare

“80% of negotiation success is determined before you enter the negotiation”. Internal negotiations are no different. “When negotiating for headcount and budgeting in the firm, I make sure I walk in with a bulletproof business case”, one panellist shared.

If nothing else, think about the “3Ps” before going into a negotiation: People, Process, Preparation.

This includes researching the opposite party, their interests, priorities and quirks, including everything you could use to connect to them on a personal level.

Remember: By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. Nothing makes you more confident in your negotiation than solid preparation and it’s not just the matter at hand, but the person and process just as much.

4. Be proactive about rapport-building

“We went into a negotiation where a colleague saw a former team member and suddenly became MUCH too cooperative”, one panellist shared. A personal connection can go a long way, so be sure to have it working FOR you, not against you.

Creating rapport with the other side can make or break a deal and we often underestimate the power of sharing a meal or connecting over a coffee.

“Many of our mediations get settled over a coffee outside the mediation room. Yet, parties spend too much time preparing their arguments, and not enough time on how to create rapport with the other side. We are more likely to get a “yes” if we establish a positive relationship, get them to listen, and get through to them if we build a personal connection”, another panellist added.

Remember: People want to say “yes” to people they like. Showing up with a genuine effort to make a good deal for both sides and building trust and rapport goes a long way.

5. Identify all competing interests and sequence negotiations strategically

“The CEO said we need this strategic deal closed as soon as possible”, one panellist shared. Many in the audience could relate to this narrow focus on a single interest.  However, the negotiation team consisting of multiple stakeholders raised other competing interests (e.g. the price, the ability to integrate the software into the organization, the ability to fit the client’s needs, etc.)

The negotiation was split into two steps, first an investment and second a potential buyout. Because the negotiation of the two steps took time, it gave the other stakeholders time to highlight competing interests with the CEO, complete further diligence, and eventually determine that the deal need not meet all the required interests.

During this process, the team had regular updates with the CEO to bring her along the journey confirming the additional interests, identifying the various diligence issues, and ultimately agreeing not to move forward with the deal.

Remember: Initial management statements are not always the full picture.  Competing interests need to be surfaced and addressed as early as possible. It is important to strategically sequence the negotiation to provide time to fully vet and analyse interests. Finally, it is important to bring stakeholders along on this journey.

And one more pro tip I loved to take away: One of the panellists worked with a partner in Peru who had a special restaurant “negotiation move”. Upon arrival, he would hand the waiter a 100$ note and a 20$ upfront tip and say “Bring me what you would have for 100$”. This generosity, trust advance and flexibility often gets him off menu items, the freshest ingredients and a spread of a meal well beyond the investment. Small moves of establishing rapport, being vulnerable and giving a trust advance in daily negotiations can go a long way.

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about. 

The Secret Negotiation Power of a strong Network – And how to get started if you hate Networking

Negotiation & Networking – Why?

“Your network is your net worth” they say.

As a negotiator, I see network building as part of my ongoing negotiation pre-work. Every negotiation starts LONG before you enter it, and your personal network and personal brand are pure bargaining power.

Let me explain: The reasons we are often having trouble to hold firm when negotiating your fees or salary is because we don’t having a strong network or strong personal brand – i.e. no strong walkaway point with lots of other opportunities knocking on our door (what negotiators call a “BATNA” – Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement).

The network that you build, my friend, is negotiation power. In other words: You will be confident to charge what you are worth because you are not coming from a mindset of scarcity where you must convert any client because you don’t know when the next one walks into the door. Rather, having a powerful network and personal brand gives you the confidence to know that if this opportunity doesn’t work out, another one will soon come your way. So you have no issue holding firm at charging for the value you add. BATNA 101!

The stronger your Network, the stronger your Bargaining Power.

TLDR: Network = Bargaining Power

Thus, networking is this month’s topic on Negotiation Nuggets!

“I hate Networking.”

9 out of 10 people will agree with that statement when I ask in my workshops. People hate the notion of networking. Or mostly the way most of us think about networking;

  • “It’s awkward, what should I even talk about?“
  • “It feels sleazy and transactional.“
  • “Why would this (senior) person even be interested in me?“

In our brains, networking has squarely placed itself as this utilitarian, self-focused exercise we have to do because someone told us so.

Reframing is key!

Less than 10% of hands in any given room go up when I ask “Do you like networking?“.

But here is the twist: That percentage increases to over 60-80% when I ask “Do you like to meet people?“.

Ha, interesting!

You might have heard people telling you “Networking is just about making friends.” And they would have been right! In fact, here are five powerful mantras I want you to print and take with you anywhere you go. Believe in these firmly and I promise you will be a new person when you go to networking events, enjoying the people you meet, creating real value and establishing true friendships that serve you as a network for life (and you them!)

Your 5 New Networking Mantras

Mantra 1: “I don‘t want anything from you.”

The reasons networking feels sleazy, transactional and awkward is because we feel like we need to go out and use networking as a way to sell ourselves or our services. STOP that in its tracks! You are not out there to sell anything. Except maybe yourself as an intriguing person to hang out with!

As lawyers, we don’t sell products. In the professional services industry, people buy people. So, all you need to do is be an interesting person who shows they care. You don’t need or want to sell anything!

Mantra 2: “I want to help YOU succeed.”

Not only do you not want anything from them, but you are first and foremost out there to help others succeed. This is counterintuitive at first. Like telling a soccer player to pass the ball to the other team. But hear me out. The best networkers are basically going around doing favours all day long. When I asked a friend of mine who is in charge of expanding the business of a large regional law firm to APAC and the Middle East how he does it, he replied “I am basically going around doing favours and making people happy all day. Recommendation for the best cold cuts in Singapore? Here you go. Best paediatric allergist? Number sent. Need an internship for your son? Let me send an Email. French cheese importer in Saudi? Let me link you up!“

Another example that you might find slightly crazy: I am currently working with a large US law firm who is looking for negotiation training in APAC. They like my proposal, but L&D wants to offer their teams multiple trainers as options (having options is always good!). When they came back to me and confided “We haven’t found any other providers who do what you do” I went on to help them research some alternative provides, aka my competitors (!!), offering to help them screen for the best match. What matters to me is that they find their best match. If they are happy, I am happy. And I am memorable. Networking is a game in the long run. First, you need to cultivate relationships that are based on mutual support. And drop the scarcity mindset!

 

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

Zig Ziglar

 

Mantra 3: “I am an interesting, interested person.”

When we are young, we often struggle to see why other people might be interested in us. We are quick to believe that people are only interested in other people of the same status.

I was lucky to learn the very opposite very early on. When I was a young student in law school, I helped organize a conference for European Union law. One of the participants was the back then President of the European Court of Justice, Vassilios Skouris. The Dean of my university made sure that President Skouris was constantly paraded in the spotlight. But Vassilios wasn’t that kind of person. I think he secretly hated it. At the final gala dinner, he came to sit next to me with us students at the back of the room. I panicked. What could I possibly say to this guy that he could find interesting? My fear was all wrong! We ended up chatting about his childhood in Greece, his children, and how he made his way from simple upbringings all the way to the ECJ. I learned a lot that day!

When you are young, you give passion. As you get older, you give expertise. That is enough!

Mantra 4: “You are an interesting person.”

Likewise, we need to search for the interesting things that could connect us to the other person. In my business development & brand building workshops, I do an exercise that invites people to write down their unique hobbies and strength. Then they share it with their neighbour. Something incredible happens when people start sharing. More often than not one of them will say in the debrief “I had no idea I had such fascinating colleagues in the office!“. Everyone has something fascinating about them. We just have to offer honest curiosity to bring it out and let them share. And maybe we find some common connection points on the way!

Mantra 5: “We are MEANT to connect.”

They say if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together. People are meant to connect. We are not islands. Value always comes from collaboration. We are better together.

If you walk up to somebody with a big smile and say “Hey, I don’t believe we’ve met, my name is Claudia” you are basically communicating “Hey, we are meant to meet. I am an interesting person, you are an interesting person, let’s see how we can add value to each other“. Mindset is everything when you connect with others!

Abundance over scarcity, giving over taking, listening over speaking and you will radiate all the right vibes for people to like you instantly.

Apply these 5 mantras rigorously, and you will see the bad smell of networking completely disappearing!

Seek to add value and seek to make connections and you will set yourself up for a network beyond anything you’ve ever thought imaginable!

To your success!

Dr. Claudia

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about. 

Negotiating for your Career – How to share your #IamRemarkable

My top 10 tips of how to shout your success over the roofs (without blowing the shingles off :D)

Last week, I went to my first #IAmRemarkable event. What a great initiative, started by a lady at Google in 2016 to empower people to celebrate their achievements and improve their self-promotion skills.

I went because as a Negotiation Trainer, one part of my work with large firms are sessions we call ‘Negotiating for your career’ ‘Beyond the billable hour’, ‘Make some noise’ or similar. In these sessions we talk about the fact that your amazing work does not speak for itself and billable hours are not enough to make it to the next level. “

At the #IamRemarkable workshop I participated in this time myself, it was all about becoming aware of what makes you, well, remarkable. You sit down in a group with a blank piece of paper and start writing “I am remarkable because…” Then you read it out loud.

For many people, this is eye-opening because we don’t usually think along these lines, we are afraid to come across as braggy, we are afraid of criticism, we feel it is not worth speaking about, or we often don’t even realize that “this small thing” is actually quite a big achievement.

Accomplishments do not speak for themselves!

As everyone went to write down their achievements and what makes them remarkable, my brain was already racing to think about the next logical step. How do you communicate all of it in a business context, bringing forward your best self in an authentic, enthusiastic and comfortable way?

Because in most business contexts you will not read out your “I am Remarkable” worksheet to your benevolent audience who rewards you with applause for your bravery.

Where are the right words when you need them?

In my experience, an equally big part of the challenge, beyond knowing what makes you stand out, is knowing just how to put it, i.e. the framing, language, context, situation and finesse of communicating your awesomeness.

Language is powerful and I often feel if only we had a better idea of how to communicate our value and accomplishments it would be much easier for people to shine an adequate light on their contributions and achievements to help them move ahead in their careers.

I would lie if I said that I find this easy myself. Like most of us, I too have been conditioned into wanting to appear modest. And the (gender) backlashes of coming across as too strong are real, so it is a very fine line to walk. But over the past 10 years, I have learned quite a few “tricks” of what works.

Here are my top 10 tips on what to share (and how)

1. Share achievements with real emotion

We all see it on LinkedIn every day: “I am elated about so and so award ..”, “Excited to share that..”, “Honored and humbled to have been selected for..”. Your friends might click “like”, but let’s be honest: Everyone is bored with these announcements or borderline annoyed. And most of us feel uncomfortable posting them but feel like we have to.

A better way: Work hard to express how it actually made you feel, or what it took to get there. Tell a story or share an obstacle that you had to overcome. Bring out as much authentic emotion as you can and people will be more likely to see this as an interesting post and you as a unique human being (see an example here about how I shared my “Top 10 L&D Providers APAC” award).

2. Celebrate Milestones

10 years, 15k followers, bar exam – all a huge deal in your life! People like celebrating with you if you share authentically. But again, authenticity is key. “It’s not bragging if it’s true” is one thing I learned at #IamRemarkable. Here is my best attempt at being my most authentic self when celebrating 15k followers in this post.

It may not behove in your position, role or industry to talk about your pet unicorn, your love for Schnitzel and how you kill off your houseplant (or you don’t care, like me). But I challenge you to push yourself to wherever your outer comfort and appropriateness level (and 10% beyond) in what makes you uniquely you when it’s time to celebrate. It gives people something to connect with you on a personal level and all the more reason to cheer you on.

3. Share knowledge

Your learnings are valuable to others and sharing it positions you as an expert without you having to shout “Look at me, I am an Expert”. This recent huge deal that you did, what did you learn from it about how to manage complex deal structures or a multitude of stakeholders? That ICO that you lead, what surprised you or what should others be aware of? That dispute that you settled, what did you learn that made your negotiations more successful?

Reflect on your work and share your learnings! And when you feel like “What can I even add, I am still junior/inexperienced compared to others” remember that there will always be someone more experienced than you, but there is also always someone less experienced than you and as long as you are even one step ahead of them, they can learn from you. And that is enough!

Look no further than this very blog post that you are reading here to see what I mean. I am no marketing expert. But I write down for you what I have taken from this workshop and the experience I have collated in my 10+ years of having to promote myself as an entrepreneur and working with professionals who have to do the same.

4. Share your take on something

A new law, judgement or industry development. Once you have become comfortable with posting things, share what your take is on those and what you think it will mean for your clients or what they need to be aware of. Just sharing an article or some news without your personal views has little value. Sharing with meaning for them will position you as an expert and give you 10x the effects of that post.

5. Tell stories

Our brains love stories. Tell a story of how your journey is going, where you have come from, what your challenges were, and what you are proud of. This could be about yourself, your team, a new initiative you have started, a non-for-profit you support, etc. You don’t do this for yourself. Stories inspire others! Even a success moment can be an unexpected story (I just saw this creative one here for being appointed to King’s Counsel).

6. Share a passion

Involved in D&I, Legal Tech, ADR? Passionate about negotiation skills, process management or AI? Find a passion and talk about it. Passion ignites passion and you will find your tribe of people. Look for up-and-coming topics in your field and focus on niche areas (especially if you find it hard to post passionate stuff about M&A, Litigation or whatever your core area of expertise).

7. Include clever language and facts about your experience

Get creative at weaving your experience and achievements into normal conversations, posts, your LinkedIn bio etc. I find a “matter of fact” language or giving context to a situation easiest: E.g. “As a lawyer who works with clients on 5 continents.. my view is..”, “Based on my background as..” “Based on my experience with more than 20 of these cases ..”

8. Use numbers

Like images, numbers speak volumes. Rather than “10 years of deal-making experience” (this is already good) you could go one step further and count the number of deals you have done. “Done 150 M&A deals“, Helped 300 companies go public”, “Enabled the largest ICO in the history of our country with 200 Mio in Investment”, “Helped negotiate deals of $50 million plus total value”, “Helped restructure more than a dozen Fortune 500 companies”, “Received the Legal Innovators Award 3 times in 5 years”.

Go dig for the metrics so people get a chance to understand better what you do and what you are really good at. It took me 2 days to collect and calculate how many participants have ever been in my in-person and online trainings across various countries and online platforms.

But here is my new headline:

“I help Tier 1 lawyers negotiate, communicate and network for their best results. Consultant, Trainer, Speaker since 2014. Trained 10k+ professionals live in 30 countries and 15k+ online in 126 countries.”

And don’t you think it was totally worth it to help people understand better what I do and why I’ve become so experienced and specialized in it? (Please say “yes“, those 2 days will never come back :D:D)

9. Use social proof (collect accolades)

Nothing persuades like other people’s recommendations. In fact, what do most of us do when we look for a doctor, an accountant, or in our case, a lawyer? Ask family, colleagues, friends.

15 Awards, a PhD and 5 papers may not be as persuasive as one strong personal recommendation.

“Most dedicated lawyer I’ve ever hired!!“

Now that has a ring to it 🙂

So when clients are raving about your work, ask them if they would be okay to put it into your LinkedIn (there is a recommendation section) or write it down in an email (or you can summarize what they said and send it back to them, thanking them for the compliment). Use these gems in your website bio, LinkedIn “about section”, annual review, promotion discussion, brochure, etc.

10. Talk about the benefit of your greatness to THEM

Remember: No one cares about what you can do. Everyone cares about what you can do for them. Frame your messaging accordingly!

“My 15 years of expertise in … allow me to immediately grasp my client’s challenges when it comes to..”,  “My experience with over 100 high steak real estate negotiations allows me to advise clients on the best strategy that does not only protect them from the risks of .. but also give them leverage in…”

Time to get to work!

One immediate way for you to start putting these into practice is to look through your LinkedIn profile.

–          What is your “Subtitle”. Are you “*Lawyer* at Firm”( yaaawn!) or a “Problem-Solving Advocate for Complex Disputes” (ohoo!)

–          What does your “About” section say (Do you even have one?)? Is it written in a personable, first-person language that captures who you are and what you do? Does it tell the reader how you can support them and how you are different from others?

–          Scroll further:  What is in the section that talks about your current job? Have you maximized that space to share what your value add is based on your experience and achievements?

–          Scrolling on:    What about Licenses, Publications, Awards, Recommendations, and Projects (just saw a great example here of how to mention projects as a lawyer). If you don’t have these sections in your LinkedIn go to “add profile section” at the top of your profile. All these sections are there for you to fill with clever language and subtle brags.

Once you are done with LinkedIn: What about the bio on your company website? Short bios you use for conferences or publications?

Two Last Tips

  1. Set aside an hour in your calendar right now to go and rework these to help you start thinking about how to better express your achievements, capabilities and what they can do for your career, client or promotion. We all know if it’s not in your calendar it’s not happening.
  2. Then copy this post and come back to the list later and see what posts and blogs you could write as you start your #IamRemarkable journey and Negotiate for your career by becoming more conscious of how you communicate your achievements.

If you need, print out your new mantra or stick it to your screen with a post it:

“Accomplishments do not speak for themselves.”

To your success! And I hope you share this post with everyone around you who also struggles to make their achievements noticed!

Dr. Claudia

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Leveraging Negotiation in Legal Practice: An interview with BGPartners CEO Elena Mégevand-Valli

I recently spoke to Elena Mégevand-Valli, partner and CEO at BGPartner | Attorneys-at-law, a Swiss boutique business law firm that has put Negotiation front and center in its philosophy and identity. In this week’s ‘Negotiation Nugget’ she shares how their firm has embraced Negotiation as a way of thinking, how it all got started and what she thinks it means for the future of the business. Enjoy!

—

C: Great to reconnect, Elena! Your firm’s pretty unique “Mastering Law and Negotiation” slogan caught my eye. Tell me more about it!

E: Most lawyers negotiate all the time, yet negotiation isn’t usually emphasized in legal education. We recognized its added value and integrated it into the DNA of our firm. Negotiation is not just a skill; it’s a mindset and a strategic approach that permeates every aspect of our practice. By highlighting negotiation alongside legal expertise, we aim to provide comprehensive and effective solutions to our clients’ needs.

C: I love this approach! Why do you think most firms don’t place as big an emphasis on negotiation?

E: I’m not entirely sure. Some might believe they’re already proficient negotiators, while others may underestimate the importance or think there’s nothing new to learn. Additionally, legal education traditionally focuses heavily on substantive legal knowledge, leaving little room for negotiation training. However, negotiation is a dynamic skill that requires continuous development and refinement. It’s about understanding human behavior, psychology, and communication, all of which are vital in achieving favorable outcomes for our clients.

C: How did the focus on negotiation start at your firm?

E: Oliver Gnehm, our chairman and I invested significant time in our own negotiation training and realized its power. We then developed a concept and made a concerted effort to roll it out firm-wide. We conducted workshops, seminars, and provided resources to ensure that every member of our team understands the importance, principles and techniques of negotiation. It wasn’t just about teaching negotiation as a skill but embedding it into our firm’s culture and ethos.

C: What does the training for lawyers look like at your firm?

E: As a small firm, we ensure everyone speaks the same language and shares our values. We offer both internal and external training, incorporating concepts from Harvard, behavioural theory and modern conflict management. Our training isn’t just about teaching negotiation tactics; it’s about fostering a deeper understanding of negotiation as a strategic tool. We delve into topics such as effective communication, building rapport, managing emotions, and creative problem-solving.

C: How does this focus on negotiation impact your daily work with clients?

E: When clients come to us, we approach their cases with a negotiator’s mindset. We delve into their underlying interests, not just their rights. We provide strategic alternatives and guide them through a process that ensures they achieve their best outcomes. For example, in a recent case involving a contract dispute, instead of solely focusing on legal arguments, we explored potential negotiation strategies to resolve the issue amicably and efficiently. By considering the broader context and the client’s objectives, we were able to reach a favourable resolution that not only protected their legal rights but also preserved the relationship with the counterparty and created additional value for both sides.

C: You’d think all firms would adopt this approach, right?

E:You’d think so! However, clients often tell us that while other firms provide legal assessments, they lack strategic guidance.

C: How do you ensure your teams keep developing their negotiation skills?

E:We work in small teams and utilize checklists. We have regular update calls with case reports discussing lessons learned in high-stakes negotiation, and our team members use each other as sparring partners to prepare for negotiation and ask each other for advice. Every few weeks, we focus on a negotiation challenge, with one member leading the discussion. Additionally, we encourage our team members to attend external training programs, participate in workshops, and engage in peer-to-peer learning opportunities.

C: Does this focus on negotiation help attract clients to your firm?

E: We usually don’t specifically ask new clients why they choose us, but we do attract clients interested in our negotiation skills. They are sometimes surprised that we put so much emphasis on this topic next to our legal excellence, but we regularly receive very positive feedback. Our clients appreciate more and more the value we create when we advise them on upcoming negotiations or negotiate on their behalf. So, it seems to be a step in the right direction.

C: Can you provide an example of how this approach benefits clients?

E:Certainly. We recently worked with a large construction company that had consulted three other firms. While the others assessed their legal rights, the client wanted concrete recommendations on what to do next. We combined legal analysis with an understanding of the company’s goals and recommended a strategic negotiation approach. Instead of getting bogged down in contract interpretation, we focused on communication and pragmatic negotiation steps, which ultimately led to a more favorable outcome for the client.

C: Thank you, Elena. It’s been great speaking with you! Keep up the pioneering work!

E: Great catching up, Claudia. You too! 🙂

PS. If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.

Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

From AVERAGE to LEVERAGE. Closing the expectation gap of legal negotiation skills.

Negation-savvy lawyers are changing the dynamic of the legal profession.

Unfortunately, they are still the exception.

There. I said it. Most lawyers are pretty average when it comes to negotiation skills. How do I know? I have seen more than 10,000 lawyers negotiate over the past 10+ years. And thank god, most of them were mock negotiations in a training setting.

Feel free to go hate me. Or let me back up and explain. And then tell you how you can use this to your advantageand swim in the top 10% pretty quickly!

 

I have been part of the legal fraternity for 25+ years and I can confidently say that we are one of the most specialized subject matter experts there are. Studious, hard-working, always well-informed.

But there is one thing most of us are not: natural negotiators.

 

The Expectation Gap

Here is the irony: To the public, there is the perception (and expectation!) that lawyers must be very skilled negotiators because of the sheer pervasiveness of negotiation skills in our work. And they wouldn’t be wrong in expecting this. Negotiating a deal, a contract, a settlement, or persuading a judge or a client – almost all our work involves negotiation.

The reality often falls short. While we go through years and years of law school, bar exams and practical legal training (more than 10 years in some countries!) there is hardly any training on negotiation skills, techniques and frameworks.

 

The uncomfortable truth: Without training, lawyers are no better than others in negotiating! We are not born with some magical talent.

 

And even more uncomfortable: Most enter the legal profession having had NO training whatsoever.

This “oversight” (trying not to cringe at this understatement of the year) leaves a conspicuous gap between the expectations placed upon lawyers and their actual proficiency in negotiation.

The Client’s Reaction

The consequences of this gap are profound. Lawyers have a bad reputation among business people. I hear it time and again: “We try to keep the lawyers out of the negotiation; they screw everything up.“

   Poster on the wall of one of the firms I work with.

This might be a particularly harsh statement. When asked about what this means, clients will usually talk about a lack of flexibility, a lack of understanding of the business, too much focus on the law, too much focus on rights rather than results, and good old CYA (cover your ass) approach rather than interest-focused creativity.

 

The problem: A focus on rights rather than results.

Experience Doesn’t equate to Expertise

Okay, this was very Austrian-direct-no-fluff-tough-love.

Have I offended you or are you reading on?

Okay good

Because from here there is about a 50/50 split. Some lawyers admit that they would love to be much better trained when it comes to negotiation skills. And then there is team “But I have 10/20/30 years of experience!!“

The problem: Clients want to hire neither.

Here is why: Even 20 years of negotiation experience that has gone without training and feedback can be as good as that special tomato sauce that you started to make for your pasta when you were a law school student. By now you have done it all your life. But you still wouldn’t go on Master Chef with it, would you? Or the many hours you spent on a soccer field when you were younger. Why are you not playing for Barca yet?

Experience is not Expertise.

So basically, those frequently cited “20 years of negotiation experience” often turn out to be 1 year of experience, multiplied by 20, when you put people in a real-life negotiation scenario and let a professional assess their actual level of proficiency in negotiation.

Why does that happen?

Not only do many negotiators start building their experience on a wrong/limited approach as positional bargainers who have never learned to strike value-add deals, but also do their patterns perpetuate over time. Whether that is a positional approach, an inability to adapt to the counterparty, a lack of asking the right questions, a lack of preparation, or a lack of creativity, old habits die hard without training and feedback.

Also, without outside input, pro tools like the way to structure a negotiation process, the way to frame proposals, work on options with the other side, analyse and boost your negotiation strength, anchor the other side, create value through trades, de-escalation techniques, game theory and decision science never gets built into a negotiators’ toolbox, missing tremendous value there too.

All the above are reasons why studies show that trained negotiators outperform experienced negotiators.

 

Enter the “Legotiator”

Legal Negotiators, or Legotiators, as I like to call them (Oxford, can we register that? :D), will shift the dynamic of the future.

  • Saving companies billions in settling disputes that seem intractable.
  • Concluding creative deals that help add value on both sides.
  • Negotiating contracts that not only save the drafter’s and clients’ back side but optimize for future business opportunities and value.

The leverage that negotiation-savvy lawyers have is limitless.

 

Get ahead of the curve!

And firms have started to notice: Big corporates like Deutsche Bank, Amazon or Google are establishing entire Negotiation Departments (see my interview with VP Deal Expert at Deutsche Bank here). Boutique Law Firms are gaining leverage and setting themselves apart as negotiation experts (watch this space for an interview with one small giant in Switzerland).

10 years ago, I switched my entire career because I was convinced that negotiation is the skill of the future for lawyers. I have never looked back.

My expertise today allows me to turn around the worst situations and create value where others see nothing but thin air.

And I am of course happy to do this for you – in fact, it is my business model 😀

But you have read until here, so I consider you a friend. And as a friend you come before my business model and I would advise you this: Get on the Legotiator bandwagon yourself!

Don’t walk, run! Start getting your hands on negotiation expertise as fast as you can! Because expertise doesn’t build overnight. It won’t take another 10 years until this shift has also arrived in your legal practice. Those who start today will be ahead of those who will realize once AI has taken over a lot of our mental work. Where are you then?

In Hockey, they say you need to “skate to where the puck is going, not where it is“.

I am telling you where the puck is going. The question is where are you?

Yours,

Claudia

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Deutsche Bank Office for Negotiation: An interview with Felix Miller, VP Deal Expert

Claudia: Felix, great to see you, I am excited to sit down with a fellow negotiation professional and share experiences(1)!

Felix: Same here, always a treat to see you!

Claudia: You are VP Deal Expert and one of the co-founders of Deutsche Bank’s Office for Negotiation. I love this because it is so unique to have a dedicated negotiation department in a company like this, and it really shows the immense leverage negotiation skills can give. Can you tell me a bit more about how this department came about and what you do?

Felix: For decades, most people have perceived negotiation as something we only need at a big conference table or in sales or procurement. However, experience and research clearly show that negotiation is one of the most powerful and omnipresent skills we need to use in our daily lives and business dealings. Our Office for Negotiation is a central one-stop-shop offering negotiation excellence as a service throughout the bank.

Claudia: “Negotiation as a Service“, I love that description because it shows the time you free up on other people’s plates and the specialization, expertise and value you can bring to the table as the expert who does JUST THIS.

Speaking about value, I love the motto you have, “Going Northeast”. Where does it come from?

Felix: The northeast direction in our logo’s design stands for the bank’s vision of moving forward and achieving robust (the square around the line) success in the global financial landscape. In negotiation, moving ‘northeast’ stands for achieving “win-win” results. I.e. a value-add result where both sides maximize their outcome in a way that no party could have gotten more without taking some from the other and both sides meet or exceed all their interests.

Claudia: The Pareto-optimal negotiation result! With negotiation being such a key future skill, very practically speaking, what impact do you see these skills having in a big business environment like Deutsche?

Felix: Many people I met and worked with in a variety of contexts next to banking such as Startups, NGOs & community leaders perceive negotiation as bargaining or splitting value. Few initially see it as a skill of leadership, and potentially THE skill that allows us to have other people say ‘yes’ to us whenever we need them to do so. If we can lead another party from ‘no’ to ‘yes’ – this is leadership first and foremost. And to lead others, we need to learn to lead ourselves, too.

Negotiation skills help you in areas you would not expect. How do I unite my deal team & internal stakeholders behind a shared vision, define rules of collaboration and engagement, and make sure everyone contributes in the best possible way? How do I create substantially enough value to be distributed amongst deal parties so their incentive to say yes to us surpasses transaction costs to win their individual buy-ins? How do I deal with emotions, mine & others? How do I employ the power of process and relationship management while optimising my substantial outcome in a wise and sustainable way?

Making negotiation a central skill of our lives allows us to improve our leadership skills, helps us get more in life and most importantly, allows us to resolve conflicts together – no matter the subject. So the impact on the business is not only financial but can also be seen on a very human and personal level.

Claudia: Oh, I agree! There is so much more than meets the eye when it comes to great negotiators. So that is one advantage your role has over mine. As an outside trainer, consultant or shadow negotiator I help create value and strategy, but as an in-house function, you can create a lasting impact and change on the people themselves. I envy that (even though you are taking my job :D)

Felix: The pie is probably way larger than the sum of its perceived parts! 🙂

Claudia: For sure! I know you do internal consulting, but also training. What are some things that you notice people find easier after having come through your training?

Felix: Most describe a mindset shift away from “winning” (which is a highly abstract concept unless we define what it means for us) towards collaborative problem-solving; the stage in which the magic happens when we start creating trust, value & long-lasting relationships.

Claudia: In a nutshell, what are some of the business benefits that the increased negotiation capacity of individuals and an in-house team can bring?

Felix: Less transaction cost, less intra-team conflict, higher substantial outcomes, more trust and more overall collaboration both internally & externally.

Claudia: What have you personally found most enjoyable or challenging?

Felix: Being an intrapreneur is different from my former experiences as an entrepreneur but also very exciting. I enjoy working with global teams and being exposed to so many views & cultures daily while having the chance to build & work in one of Germany’s most iconic companies. Also, the size and complexity of deals here are quite high, which is a valuable and motivating experience.

Claudia: Where do you personally benefit most from the skills you are teaching?

Felix: I recently read that the human brain learns best when we explain or teach to others. So every time I get to teach our colleagues, I am constantly learning more myself, which is another nice win-win outcome as well.

Claudia: I feel the same! Thanks for taking the time Felix and I hope, I never see you on the other side of a deal! 😉

Felix: Haha same, but if so, I am sure we would “Go Northeast” together!

 

(1) Views expressed are purely personal and do not represent Deutsche Bank.

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Buying an Audi for the price of a Volkswagen

Or how to Make Bargaining a Gift for Both

In the world of negotiations, there’s a fine art to getting what you want without leaving the other party feeling like they’ve been shortchanged. A few years ago, my friend Dana demonstrated this artistry when he managed to snag an Audi A4 for the price of a Volkswagen Golf.

You heard that right – an A4 for the price of a Golf!

How did she do it? Let’s dive into the story and extract some valuable lessons in negotiation along the way.

Step 1: Research and Preparation

Dana didn’t walk into the dealership blindfolded. She did her homework. She knew the dealer price, wholesale price, current promotions, models that were on the way out and the typical discounts Audi dealers were willing to offer.

Step 2: Clarity of Intent

Dana went into negotiations with a clear idea of what she wanted – that Audi A4 at a specific price. Having a precise target in mind helped her steer the negotiations towards her desired outcome.

Step 3: Patience

Negotiations can be a waiting game. Dana spent multiple weeks in negotiations, showing no signs of impatience or desperation. She understood that rushing could sabotage her chances of getting the deal she wanted.

Step 4: Express Interest

Throughout the negotiation process, Dana consistently expressed her interest in the car at the desired price. This signaled to the dealer that she was serious about the purchase. This may seem counterintuitive at first, but showing commitment can actually work better than a cold “Oh, I don’t really want it” approach if you want the other side to work with you.

Step 5: Collaboration

Instead of viewing the negotiation as a battle, Dana collaborated with the salesperson. Together, they explored various avenues for discounts – from manufacturer incentives to trade-in deals, prolonged warranty, free tires and seasonal promotions.

Step 6: Negotiation Power

Besides the Information she had collected and the relationship she had built, Dana also created leverage in numbers by timing her purchase with two other friends. Presenting the potential of selling three cars instead of one created hug purchasing power on her side, and an equally huge incentive on the car dealer’s side to get the deal.

Step 7: Relationship Building

Dana leveraged her existing relationship with the dealership. Having purchased her previous car there, she highlighted her loyalty and hinted at potential future business.

Step 8: Win-Win

Ultimately, Dana achieved a win-win scenario. While she walked away with an Audi A4 for the price of a Volkswagen Golf, the car dealer also benefited. Selling three cars in one go significantly boosted the salesperson’s commission (Dana encouraged him to negotiate his commission with his boss, and he got an increase to almost double his normal commission too!).

In essence, bargaining isn’t just about driving a hard bargain; it’s about finding creative solutions that satisfy both parties. By following these steps – from thorough research to fostering collaboration and maintaining patience – you too can turn bargaining into a gift for both sides.

So, the next time you’re in a negotiation, remember: it’s not about who can outwit the other, but rather how you can work together to find a solution that leaves everyone feeling like a winner.

Whether it’s for your new car or your client’s contract – the power is with those who collaborate!

To your negotiation success!

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Unleashing your Inner Negotiator: Your 8-Week Workout Plan

In the last post  Negotiation Nugget, we debunked the myth that negotiation skills are an inborn skill, and I gave you 7 tips to start training your inner negotiator.

Now, it’s time to take your negotiation game seriously and join our 8-week workout plan* to build your negotiation muscle and turn you into a negotiation powerhouse.

 

WEEK 1+2 – Warm-up Program: Boosting Comfort Levels

Objective: Increase comfort levels, view everything as negotiable

In this warm-up phase, treat negotiations like a daily workout. Start with small, inconsequential matters:

– Leave work early for an event.

– Personal coffee machine/printer/whiteboard in the office.

– Discounts at the supermarket/clothing store.

– New case/partner/team at work.

– Conference/training attendance.

– Neighbor cat-sitting during your vacation.

– Coffee discount (or free cake).

Remember, the goal is to make negotiation a part of your daily routine, gradually building your comfort and confidence.

Try to ask for at least one extra thing a day!

WEEK 3+4 – Ask for More: Set High Goals, Conquer Fear

Objective: Set ambitious goals, overcome fear of asking too much

Now it’s time to push your boundaries and ask for more than you think is acceptable:

– Instead of a 10% discount, ask for 20%.

– Request 4 weeks of vacation instead of the usual 2.

– Negotiate for both a new phone and Airpods at work.

– Upgrade from one screen to two.

– Extend remote work in Bali to 2 months.

Challenge yourself to ask for double what you expect, breaking through your comfort zone.

WEEK 5+6 – Go for “No”: Embrace Rejection, Fuel Creativity

Objective: Aim high, expect rejection, overcome fear of being turned down

Creativity is the key in this phase. Ask for things you believe are impossible and embrace rejection as a part of the negotiation process:

– 1+1 free at the coffee shop.

– Free inspection for the second car.

– 50% off dental cleaning for you and your partner.

– Discounts on your insurance or mobile subscription.

– Free upgrade on a flight or access to the business class lounge.

Remember, a rejection is just a stepping stone to a successful negotiation. Get comfortable with the word “No.”

And you would surprised, how often I have gotten something whenever I ask in a situation I expected a sure no.

WEEK 7+8 – All In / Final Sprint: Get What Matters

Objective: Pursue what’s important, negotiate for life improvements

In the final stretch, focus on negotiations that truly matter to you:

– Work-break e.g. from 6-8 PM.

– Guaranteed night blocked for yourself every week.

– Secondment to a desired location.

– Specialized training in a specific area.

– Childcare flexibility.

– Salary increase.

– 50% contribution to evening meals from your partner.

Whatever it is that will make your life easier, now is the time to go all in and secure what will make a significant impact on your life. You’ve built your negotiation muscle—time to flex it!

Let’s do this!

Are you ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level over the next 8 weeks?

Comment “I am in” below to join our workout group so we can keep each other accountable. Research shows that we are 10 times more committed to following through with something if we do it with other people and commit to it publicly. I will personally check in with you every 2 weeks to see how it is going and if you need any help!

To your negotiation success!

 

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Let’s get Ripped: Building Your Negotiation Muscle!

I don’t go to the gym in January. Too crowded with people who are trying to stick to their New Year’s Resolutions.

Don’t worry if you don’t feel like working out, either. It’s not too late to build another muscle for 2024!

 

Introducing: The Negotiation Muscle

There is a major myth out there about Negotiation skills. Many people think that Negotiation is an innate skill. That people are born with it, and you either have it or you do not.

People who believe this, let me look you deep into your pretty eyes and tell you firmly but lovingly, once and for all: THAT’S NONSENSE!

Some people might have more talent to become excellent negotiators. But negotiation as a whole is a skill that must be learned.

 

Learning requires practice

Saying “I am just not good at negotiations” is like saying “I am just not strong” without having set foot into a gym. Developing Negotiation skills begins with overcoming your insecurities, fears, and other inhibitions and just making the first ask. And then another one. And then another one.

Our discomfort in making a small request in low-stakes situations keeps us from growing comfort in making a move in high-stakes negotiations.

If fear and discomfort are keeping you from negotiating for more of what you want and deserve, starting to negotiate in your daily life is your first important step.

And for my ladies reading this, as per Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever’s research (Women Don’t Ask – go read that, it’s brilliant!), we only negotiate about 25% as much as men do! If you don’t ask, you won’t get. So if you identify, please read this extra carefully.

Okay, ready to get ripped?

 

Here are 7 small hacks that help you get really good at it.

Before we start: WHAT all is negotiable?

Some things are more obvious than others, and I hope you already always negotiate these. Things like your salary (yes, annually!), buying a car, your rent, buying an apartment.

But much beyond that, to rock these big negotiations, you need to train your negotiation muscle on the small daily negotiations.

Things you may not consider a negotiation (yet): Who goes out to buy the groceries, your phone bill, newspaper subscription, gym membership, the timeline for returning a draft, your seat on an airplane, check-out time, hotel room category, the clothes in a store, and and and. Which brings us to hack number 1:

 

#1: Consider everything negotiable

For a lot of reasons, we often don’t think something is negotiable. We have never seen someone negotiate it, we have been conditioned by society that something is not negotiable, or we simply believe that just because there is a written price tag that means that this thing is not negotiable. But those are just stories we tell ourselves. Until you ask, you NEVER know if it might be negotiable. I have been surprised by the most unexpected places, what all you can negotiate!

When in doubt, I always remember that there was once a study that said that only 25% of Americans ask for a discount, but about 80% or so who do will actually get SOMETHING. Now, if that isn’t motivating, I don’t know?!

 

#2: Start a habit of asking

Call up any subscription and say “I am looking through my subscriptions to see how I can cut down on cost. I am a loyal customer, so I wanted to see if you can make me a better deal.” You never know where you can get a cheaper deal, or extra service/bandwidth/discount.

Or, looking to buy this new luxury duvet? Email 2-3 sellers and tell them that you would love to get one for Xmas/a birthday whatever the reasons but that you are still hesitant about the price and if they could e.g. give a 15% discount. I have even done that with Amazon 3d party sellers, and it works!

 

#3: Let them compete / Improve your BATNA

BATNA – your alternative, is the strongest tool in your negotiator toolbox. So always get a few different offers and let them negotiate against each other. I recently had a safety grill installed for my kids on our balcony. Having 3 providers quote for the same thing got me 50% off the most expensive quotation. You don’t even have to negotiate much, you just keep pointing out that another provider has offered a better price, but you would love to work with them and ask if they could match.

 

#4: Humour

Negotiation is not a fight, it’s a dance! Doing it with appreciation, charm, and humour works best. People like to give things to people they like.

E.g. hubby and I are in his shoe store. After a while, I walk up to the salesperson saying “My husband is eying the 3rd pair already, we need to start talking about a bulk discount or I will have to drag him out of here.“

Quick wit also works well. Cashier: “Do you need a corporate invoice”? “No, but we would take a corporate discount if you have?” – 20% off in the home improvement store because of some random coupon she finds in her drawer. How much easier can you have €600 thrown at you for doing close to nothing?

Of course, this doesn’t always work. But the point is to practice. And not just “the ask”, but also dealing with the rejection. Or the alternative people throw at you. Surprising moments such as “Can you do something else (points at the price tag)? “No, but I can throw in a hug” (😲) teaches you valid lessons in handling responses with poise and expect and reply to the unexpected.

 

#5: Think beyond the money

Great negotiators never forget the non-momentary stuff. It’s not always money. Often, there are non-monetary options that the other side can give you much more easily, and that are valuable for you. E.g. more days off from work, waiving the climbing gym initiation fee, getting 12 months for 10, getting a free personal training session, a free room upgrade, a spa voucher, an airport pickup, a voucher for your next visit, etc.

Even if you end up getting no discount, you might walk out with something.

 

#6: Look out for their interests (and trade for yours)

Good deals are always a two-way street. If you can find things that are beneficial to them, they are more likely to i) agree and ii) give you a good deal. When we negotiated our rental contract in Singapore (at the worst time..) we offered a variety of things to get a better price that we thought could be of interest to the landlord. Things like painting the place, an earlier move-in date, a longer contract term, an up-front payment, etc. 10% off the asking price at a time when people snatched up apartments!

 

#7: Show that you have done your research

Information is power. Knowing what other people are making, how much other stores are charging, what margins there are, what sales targets they have etc allows you to say “Can you match ..“, “What rate can you give us if we book directly with you and you don’t have to shell out 15% to booking.com?”

 

Summing Up:

  1. Consider everything negotiable.
  2. Get into a habit of asking.
  3. Let providers compete/improve your BATNA.
  4. Use humor and connect with people.
  5. Think beyond money.
  6. Look out for their interests.
  7. Show that you have done your research.

 

Ready to get to work?

Stay tuned for the next Negotiation Nugget. I will share with you an 8-week workout plan for your negotiation muscle that you can follow to become more comfortable with high-stakes negotiation by increasing your comfort in the daily ones.

To your negotiation success!

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.