Creating and Capturing Value in Negotiations as In House Counsel

70% of in-house counsel said they negotiate “daily” or “all the time” when polled at the recent ACC (Association of Corporate Counsel) APAC Annual Conference where I spoke with my dear colleagues Terry D. Thornley, General Counsel APAC Spencer Stuart, Nathalia Lossovska, Head of Legal, APAC Willis Tower Watson, and Wee Meng Chuan, CEO of the Singapore International Mediation Centre.

Yet at the same time, only 30% feel adequately equipped with skills and tools to optimize their results.

Building on these all-too-common statistics, my co-panellists and I shared some of the most effective negotiation approaches and common mistakes. This post summarizes the top 5 learnings and stories for in-house counsel to take away for their daily work, and one that you can use for your personal gourmet adventures around the world 😊

1. Uncover the true interests of the other party

Imagine a common contracting issue: A successful architect sues a developer for unpaid fees on a project he had worked on but because of a dispute was not able to finish. To add insult to injury, after his removal from the project, the developer submitted the development for a design competition and won. But the name of the original architect had been removed. Sting!

It was only in Mediation, a process of facilitated negotiation that uses the help of a neutral third person, that the parties discovered that this sting, not the money, was the main driver for the architect’s claim. With the architect’s name back on the project, the developer went on to compete in a second competition, and the deal was sealed. A win-win also for the developer, who submits his project with the name of this famous architect.

Remember: Positions are what the other side will tell you, e.g. suing for money. Interests are what they are really after, e.g. recognition and reputation here. But you have to build trust with the other side and dig deeper to find out about these!

2. Uncover the real power of your alternatives

A supplier with the contractual obligation to deliver a specific gearbox part to you suddenly demands a 20% price increase, or they will stop delivering next quarter. Your business chiefs try to negotiate, but the supplier won’t budge. Fronts are hard. So the chiefs come running to you. “Enforce this contract with full steam.”

The situation looks dire: Failing further deliveries, your plant of 5,000 people will stand still within as little as 2 months. A positive outcome of a lawsuit is far from guaranteed under the current market conditions with the supplier claiming all kinds of hardship. And even IF you win, enforcement will never be fast enough to keep your plant running. You may have a contractual right – but no power to force the other side to deliver. In Negotiator terms: Your BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement, aka Plan B) is weak. That is wrong. It’s horrible.

Once in-house counsel in this case had analysed the full picture of the situation, only one real alternative emerged, and it was not “enforcing with full steam”. The company had to get back to the negotiation table if they wanted to rescue this.

Reopening stalled negotiations and finding common ground was not an easy task, but paid off when they found out that the supplier’s main shareholder wanted to get rid of this unprofitable part of the business. Together they found a buyer who agreed to purchase the business unit and the client offered a longer contract with minimum quantities as a guarantee. The plant keeps running. The supplier also achieved their goal of selling.

Remember: When the business comes to you and shouts for “enforcement” and “getting their rights”, make sure you take a step back and analyse your alternatives (BATNA) and the most likely outcome to achieve the actual business needs behind it. As mentioned in point #1, people will come with their positions. Your job is to find their interests and get them the corresponding results.

3. Prepare – prepare – prepare

“80% of negotiation success is determined before you enter the negotiation”. Internal negotiations are no different. “When negotiating for headcount and budgeting in the firm, I make sure I walk in with a bulletproof business case”, one panellist shared.

If nothing else, think about the “3Ps” before going into a negotiation: People, Process, Preparation.

This includes researching the opposite party, their interests, priorities and quirks, including everything you could use to connect to them on a personal level.

Remember: By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. Nothing makes you more confident in your negotiation than solid preparation and it’s not just the matter at hand, but the person and process just as much.

4. Be proactive about rapport-building

“We went into a negotiation where a colleague saw a former team member and suddenly became MUCH too cooperative”, one panellist shared. A personal connection can go a long way, so be sure to have it working FOR you, not against you.

Creating rapport with the other side can make or break a deal and we often underestimate the power of sharing a meal or connecting over a coffee.

“Many of our mediations get settled over a coffee outside the mediation room. Yet, parties spend too much time preparing their arguments, and not enough time on how to create rapport with the other side. We are more likely to get a “yes” if we establish a positive relationship, get them to listen, and get through to them if we build a personal connection”, another panellist added.

Remember: People want to say “yes” to people they like. Showing up with a genuine effort to make a good deal for both sides and building trust and rapport goes a long way.

5. Identify all competing interests and sequence negotiations strategically

“The CEO said we need this strategic deal closed as soon as possible”, one panellist shared. Many in the audience could relate to this narrow focus on a single interest.  However, the negotiation team consisting of multiple stakeholders raised other competing interests (e.g. the price, the ability to integrate the software into the organization, the ability to fit the client’s needs, etc.)

The negotiation was split into two steps, first an investment and second a potential buyout. Because the negotiation of the two steps took time, it gave the other stakeholders time to highlight competing interests with the CEO, complete further diligence, and eventually determine that the deal need not meet all the required interests.

During this process, the team had regular updates with the CEO to bring her along the journey confirming the additional interests, identifying the various diligence issues, and ultimately agreeing not to move forward with the deal.

Remember: Initial management statements are not always the full picture.  Competing interests need to be surfaced and addressed as early as possible. It is important to strategically sequence the negotiation to provide time to fully vet and analyse interests. Finally, it is important to bring stakeholders along on this journey.

And one more pro tip I loved to take away: One of the panellists worked with a partner in Peru who had a special restaurant “negotiation move”. Upon arrival, he would hand the waiter a 100$ note and a 20$ upfront tip and say “Bring me what you would have for 100$”. This generosity, trust advance and flexibility often gets him off menu items, the freshest ingredients and a spread of a meal well beyond the investment. Small moves of establishing rapport, being vulnerable and giving a trust advance in daily negotiations can go a long way.

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The Secret Negotiation Power of a strong Network – And how to get started if you hate Networking

Negotiation & Networking – Why?

“Your network is your net worth” they say.

As a negotiator, I see network building as part of my ongoing negotiation pre-work. Every negotiation starts LONG before you enter it, and your personal network and personal brand are pure bargaining power.

Let me explain: The reasons we are often having trouble to hold firm when negotiating your fees or salary is because we don’t having a strong network or strong personal brand – i.e. no strong walkaway point with lots of other opportunities knocking on our door (what negotiators call a “BATNA” – Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement).

The network that you build, my friend, is negotiation power. In other words: You will be confident to charge what you are worth because you are not coming from a mindset of scarcity where you must convert any client because you don’t know when the next one walks into the door. Rather, having a powerful network and personal brand gives you the confidence to know that if this opportunity doesn’t work out, another one will soon come your way. So you have no issue holding firm at charging for the value you add. BATNA 101!

The stronger your Network, the stronger your Bargaining Power.

TLDR: Network = Bargaining Power

Thus, networking is this month’s topic on Negotiation Nuggets!

“I hate Networking.”

9 out of 10 people will agree with that statement when I ask in my workshops. People hate the notion of networking. Or mostly the way most of us think about networking;

  • “It’s awkward, what should I even talk about?“
  • “It feels sleazy and transactional.“
  • “Why would this (senior) person even be interested in me?“

In our brains, networking has squarely placed itself as this utilitarian, self-focused exercise we have to do because someone told us so.

Reframing is key!

Less than 10% of hands in any given room go up when I ask “Do you like networking?“.

But here is the twist: That percentage increases to over 60-80% when I ask “Do you like to meet people?“.

Ha, interesting!

You might have heard people telling you “Networking is just about making friends.” And they would have been right! In fact, here are five powerful mantras I want you to print and take with you anywhere you go. Believe in these firmly and I promise you will be a new person when you go to networking events, enjoying the people you meet, creating real value and establishing true friendships that serve you as a network for life (and you them!)

Your 5 New Networking Mantras

Mantra 1: “I don‘t want anything from you.”

The reasons networking feels sleazy, transactional and awkward is because we feel like we need to go out and use networking as a way to sell ourselves or our services. STOP that in its tracks! You are not out there to sell anything. Except maybe yourself as an intriguing person to hang out with!

As lawyers, we don’t sell products. In the professional services industry, people buy people. So, all you need to do is be an interesting person who shows they care. You don’t need or want to sell anything!

Mantra 2: “I want to help YOU succeed.”

Not only do you not want anything from them, but you are first and foremost out there to help others succeed. This is counterintuitive at first. Like telling a soccer player to pass the ball to the other team. But hear me out. The best networkers are basically going around doing favours all day long. When I asked a friend of mine who is in charge of expanding the business of a large regional law firm to APAC and the Middle East how he does it, he replied “I am basically going around doing favours and making people happy all day. Recommendation for the best cold cuts in Singapore? Here you go. Best paediatric allergist? Number sent. Need an internship for your son? Let me send an Email. French cheese importer in Saudi? Let me link you up!“

Another example that you might find slightly crazy: I am currently working with a large US law firm who is looking for negotiation training in APAC. They like my proposal, but L&D wants to offer their teams multiple trainers as options (having options is always good!). When they came back to me and confided “We haven’t found any other providers who do what you do” I went on to help them research some alternative provides, aka my competitors (!!), offering to help them screen for the best match. What matters to me is that they find their best match. If they are happy, I am happy. And I am memorable. Networking is a game in the long run. First, you need to cultivate relationships that are based on mutual support. And drop the scarcity mindset!

 

“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

Zig Ziglar

 

Mantra 3: “I am an interesting, interested person.”

When we are young, we often struggle to see why other people might be interested in us. We are quick to believe that people are only interested in other people of the same status.

I was lucky to learn the very opposite very early on. When I was a young student in law school, I helped organize a conference for European Union law. One of the participants was the back then President of the European Court of Justice, Vassilios Skouris. The Dean of my university made sure that President Skouris was constantly paraded in the spotlight. But Vassilios wasn’t that kind of person. I think he secretly hated it. At the final gala dinner, he came to sit next to me with us students at the back of the room. I panicked. What could I possibly say to this guy that he could find interesting? My fear was all wrong! We ended up chatting about his childhood in Greece, his children, and how he made his way from simple upbringings all the way to the ECJ. I learned a lot that day!

When you are young, you give passion. As you get older, you give expertise. That is enough!

Mantra 4: “You are an interesting person.”

Likewise, we need to search for the interesting things that could connect us to the other person. In my business development & brand building workshops, I do an exercise that invites people to write down their unique hobbies and strength. Then they share it with their neighbour. Something incredible happens when people start sharing. More often than not one of them will say in the debrief “I had no idea I had such fascinating colleagues in the office!“. Everyone has something fascinating about them. We just have to offer honest curiosity to bring it out and let them share. And maybe we find some common connection points on the way!

Mantra 5: “We are MEANT to connect.”

They say if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together. People are meant to connect. We are not islands. Value always comes from collaboration. We are better together.

If you walk up to somebody with a big smile and say “Hey, I don’t believe we’ve met, my name is Claudia” you are basically communicating “Hey, we are meant to meet. I am an interesting person, you are an interesting person, let’s see how we can add value to each other“. Mindset is everything when you connect with others!

Abundance over scarcity, giving over taking, listening over speaking and you will radiate all the right vibes for people to like you instantly.

Apply these 5 mantras rigorously, and you will see the bad smell of networking completely disappearing!

Seek to add value and seek to make connections and you will set yourself up for a network beyond anything you’ve ever thought imaginable!

To your success!

Dr. Claudia

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Leveraging Negotiation in Legal Practice: An interview with BGPartners CEO Elena Mégevand-Valli

I recently spoke to Elena Mégevand-Valli, partner and CEO at BGPartner | Attorneys-at-law, a Swiss boutique business law firm that has put Negotiation front and center in its philosophy and identity. In this week’s ‘Negotiation Nugget’ she shares how their firm has embraced Negotiation as a way of thinking, how it all got started and what she thinks it means for the future of the business. Enjoy!

—

C: Great to reconnect, Elena! Your firm’s pretty unique “Mastering Law and Negotiation” slogan caught my eye. Tell me more about it!

E: Most lawyers negotiate all the time, yet negotiation isn’t usually emphasized in legal education. We recognized its added value and integrated it into the DNA of our firm. Negotiation is not just a skill; it’s a mindset and a strategic approach that permeates every aspect of our practice. By highlighting negotiation alongside legal expertise, we aim to provide comprehensive and effective solutions to our clients’ needs.

C: I love this approach! Why do you think most firms don’t place as big an emphasis on negotiation?

E: I’m not entirely sure. Some might believe they’re already proficient negotiators, while others may underestimate the importance or think there’s nothing new to learn. Additionally, legal education traditionally focuses heavily on substantive legal knowledge, leaving little room for negotiation training. However, negotiation is a dynamic skill that requires continuous development and refinement. It’s about understanding human behavior, psychology, and communication, all of which are vital in achieving favorable outcomes for our clients.

C: How did the focus on negotiation start at your firm?

E: Oliver Gnehm, our chairman and I invested significant time in our own negotiation training and realized its power. We then developed a concept and made a concerted effort to roll it out firm-wide. We conducted workshops, seminars, and provided resources to ensure that every member of our team understands the importance, principles and techniques of negotiation. It wasn’t just about teaching negotiation as a skill but embedding it into our firm’s culture and ethos.

C: What does the training for lawyers look like at your firm?

E: As a small firm, we ensure everyone speaks the same language and shares our values. We offer both internal and external training, incorporating concepts from Harvard, behavioural theory and modern conflict management. Our training isn’t just about teaching negotiation tactics; it’s about fostering a deeper understanding of negotiation as a strategic tool. We delve into topics such as effective communication, building rapport, managing emotions, and creative problem-solving.

C: How does this focus on negotiation impact your daily work with clients?

E: When clients come to us, we approach their cases with a negotiator’s mindset. We delve into their underlying interests, not just their rights. We provide strategic alternatives and guide them through a process that ensures they achieve their best outcomes. For example, in a recent case involving a contract dispute, instead of solely focusing on legal arguments, we explored potential negotiation strategies to resolve the issue amicably and efficiently. By considering the broader context and the client’s objectives, we were able to reach a favourable resolution that not only protected their legal rights but also preserved the relationship with the counterparty and created additional value for both sides.

C: You’d think all firms would adopt this approach, right?

E:You’d think so! However, clients often tell us that while other firms provide legal assessments, they lack strategic guidance.

C: How do you ensure your teams keep developing their negotiation skills?

E:We work in small teams and utilize checklists. We have regular update calls with case reports discussing lessons learned in high-stakes negotiation, and our team members use each other as sparring partners to prepare for negotiation and ask each other for advice. Every few weeks, we focus on a negotiation challenge, with one member leading the discussion. Additionally, we encourage our team members to attend external training programs, participate in workshops, and engage in peer-to-peer learning opportunities.

C: Does this focus on negotiation help attract clients to your firm?

E: We usually don’t specifically ask new clients why they choose us, but we do attract clients interested in our negotiation skills. They are sometimes surprised that we put so much emphasis on this topic next to our legal excellence, but we regularly receive very positive feedback. Our clients appreciate more and more the value we create when we advise them on upcoming negotiations or negotiate on their behalf. So, it seems to be a step in the right direction.

C: Can you provide an example of how this approach benefits clients?

E:Certainly. We recently worked with a large construction company that had consulted three other firms. While the others assessed their legal rights, the client wanted concrete recommendations on what to do next. We combined legal analysis with an understanding of the company’s goals and recommended a strategic negotiation approach. Instead of getting bogged down in contract interpretation, we focused on communication and pragmatic negotiation steps, which ultimately led to a more favorable outcome for the client.

C: Thank you, Elena. It’s been great speaking with you! Keep up the pioneering work!

E: Great catching up, Claudia. You too! 🙂

PS. If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.

Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

From AVERAGE to LEVERAGE. Closing the expectation gap of legal negotiation skills.

Negation-savvy lawyers are changing the dynamic of the legal profession.

Unfortunately, they are still the exception.

There. I said it. Most lawyers are pretty average when it comes to negotiation skills. How do I know? I have seen more than 10,000 lawyers negotiate over the past 10+ years. And thank god, most of them were mock negotiations in a training setting.

Feel free to go hate me. Or let me back up and explain. And then tell you how you can use this to your advantageand swim in the top 10% pretty quickly!

 

I have been part of the legal fraternity for 25+ years and I can confidently say that we are one of the most specialized subject matter experts there are. Studious, hard-working, always well-informed.

But there is one thing most of us are not: natural negotiators.

 

The Expectation Gap

Here is the irony: To the public, there is the perception (and expectation!) that lawyers must be very skilled negotiators because of the sheer pervasiveness of negotiation skills in our work. And they wouldn’t be wrong in expecting this. Negotiating a deal, a contract, a settlement, or persuading a judge or a client – almost all our work involves negotiation.

The reality often falls short. While we go through years and years of law school, bar exams and practical legal training (more than 10 years in some countries!) there is hardly any training on negotiation skills, techniques and frameworks.

 

The uncomfortable truth: Without training, lawyers are no better than others in negotiating! We are not born with some magical talent.

 

And even more uncomfortable: Most enter the legal profession having had NO training whatsoever.

This “oversight” (trying not to cringe at this understatement of the year) leaves a conspicuous gap between the expectations placed upon lawyers and their actual proficiency in negotiation.

The Client’s Reaction

The consequences of this gap are profound. Lawyers have a bad reputation among business people. I hear it time and again: “We try to keep the lawyers out of the negotiation; they screw everything up.“

   Poster on the wall of one of the firms I work with.

This might be a particularly harsh statement. When asked about what this means, clients will usually talk about a lack of flexibility, a lack of understanding of the business, too much focus on the law, too much focus on rights rather than results, and good old CYA (cover your ass) approach rather than interest-focused creativity.

 

The problem: A focus on rights rather than results.

Experience Doesn’t equate to Expertise

Okay, this was very Austrian-direct-no-fluff-tough-love.

Have I offended you or are you reading on?

Okay good

Because from here there is about a 50/50 split. Some lawyers admit that they would love to be much better trained when it comes to negotiation skills. And then there is team “But I have 10/20/30 years of experience!!“

The problem: Clients want to hire neither.

Here is why: Even 20 years of negotiation experience that has gone without training and feedback can be as good as that special tomato sauce that you started to make for your pasta when you were a law school student. By now you have done it all your life. But you still wouldn’t go on Master Chef with it, would you? Or the many hours you spent on a soccer field when you were younger. Why are you not playing for Barca yet?

Experience is not Expertise.

So basically, those frequently cited “20 years of negotiation experience” often turn out to be 1 year of experience, multiplied by 20, when you put people in a real-life negotiation scenario and let a professional assess their actual level of proficiency in negotiation.

Why does that happen?

Not only do many negotiators start building their experience on a wrong/limited approach as positional bargainers who have never learned to strike value-add deals, but also do their patterns perpetuate over time. Whether that is a positional approach, an inability to adapt to the counterparty, a lack of asking the right questions, a lack of preparation, or a lack of creativity, old habits die hard without training and feedback.

Also, without outside input, pro tools like the way to structure a negotiation process, the way to frame proposals, work on options with the other side, analyse and boost your negotiation strength, anchor the other side, create value through trades, de-escalation techniques, game theory and decision science never gets built into a negotiators’ toolbox, missing tremendous value there too.

All the above are reasons why studies show that trained negotiators outperform experienced negotiators.

 

Enter the “Legotiator”

Legal Negotiators, or Legotiators, as I like to call them (Oxford, can we register that? :D), will shift the dynamic of the future.

  • Saving companies billions in settling disputes that seem intractable.
  • Concluding creative deals that help add value on both sides.
  • Negotiating contracts that not only save the drafter’s and clients’ back side but optimize for future business opportunities and value.

The leverage that negotiation-savvy lawyers have is limitless.

 

Get ahead of the curve!

And firms have started to notice: Big corporates like Deutsche Bank, Amazon or Google are establishing entire Negotiation Departments (see my interview with VP Deal Expert at Deutsche Bank here). Boutique Law Firms are gaining leverage and setting themselves apart as negotiation experts (watch this space for an interview with one small giant in Switzerland).

10 years ago, I switched my entire career because I was convinced that negotiation is the skill of the future for lawyers. I have never looked back.

My expertise today allows me to turn around the worst situations and create value where others see nothing but thin air.

And I am of course happy to do this for you – in fact, it is my business model 😀

But you have read until here, so I consider you a friend. And as a friend you come before my business model and I would advise you this: Get on the Legotiator bandwagon yourself!

Don’t walk, run! Start getting your hands on negotiation expertise as fast as you can! Because expertise doesn’t build overnight. It won’t take another 10 years until this shift has also arrived in your legal practice. Those who start today will be ahead of those who will realize once AI has taken over a lot of our mental work. Where are you then?

In Hockey, they say you need to “skate to where the puck is going, not where it is“.

I am telling you where the puck is going. The question is where are you?

Yours,

Claudia

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Deutsche Bank Office for Negotiation: An interview with Felix Miller, VP Deal Expert

Claudia: Felix, great to see you, I am excited to sit down with a fellow negotiation professional and share experiences(1)!

Felix: Same here, always a treat to see you!

Claudia: You are VP Deal Expert and one of the co-founders of Deutsche Bank’s Office for Negotiation. I love this because it is so unique to have a dedicated negotiation department in a company like this, and it really shows the immense leverage negotiation skills can give. Can you tell me a bit more about how this department came about and what you do?

Felix: For decades, most people have perceived negotiation as something we only need at a big conference table or in sales or procurement. However, experience and research clearly show that negotiation is one of the most powerful and omnipresent skills we need to use in our daily lives and business dealings. Our Office for Negotiation is a central one-stop-shop offering negotiation excellence as a service throughout the bank.

Claudia: “Negotiation as a Service“, I love that description because it shows the time you free up on other people’s plates and the specialization, expertise and value you can bring to the table as the expert who does JUST THIS.

Speaking about value, I love the motto you have, “Going Northeast”. Where does it come from?

Felix: The northeast direction in our logo’s design stands for the bank’s vision of moving forward and achieving robust (the square around the line) success in the global financial landscape. In negotiation, moving ‘northeast’ stands for achieving “win-win” results. I.e. a value-add result where both sides maximize their outcome in a way that no party could have gotten more without taking some from the other and both sides meet or exceed all their interests.

Claudia: The Pareto-optimal negotiation result! With negotiation being such a key future skill, very practically speaking, what impact do you see these skills having in a big business environment like Deutsche?

Felix: Many people I met and worked with in a variety of contexts next to banking such as Startups, NGOs & community leaders perceive negotiation as bargaining or splitting value. Few initially see it as a skill of leadership, and potentially THE skill that allows us to have other people say ‘yes’ to us whenever we need them to do so. If we can lead another party from ‘no’ to ‘yes’ – this is leadership first and foremost. And to lead others, we need to learn to lead ourselves, too.

Negotiation skills help you in areas you would not expect. How do I unite my deal team & internal stakeholders behind a shared vision, define rules of collaboration and engagement, and make sure everyone contributes in the best possible way? How do I create substantially enough value to be distributed amongst deal parties so their incentive to say yes to us surpasses transaction costs to win their individual buy-ins? How do I deal with emotions, mine & others? How do I employ the power of process and relationship management while optimising my substantial outcome in a wise and sustainable way?

Making negotiation a central skill of our lives allows us to improve our leadership skills, helps us get more in life and most importantly, allows us to resolve conflicts together – no matter the subject. So the impact on the business is not only financial but can also be seen on a very human and personal level.

Claudia: Oh, I agree! There is so much more than meets the eye when it comes to great negotiators. So that is one advantage your role has over mine. As an outside trainer, consultant or shadow negotiator I help create value and strategy, but as an in-house function, you can create a lasting impact and change on the people themselves. I envy that (even though you are taking my job :D)

Felix: The pie is probably way larger than the sum of its perceived parts! 🙂

Claudia: For sure! I know you do internal consulting, but also training. What are some things that you notice people find easier after having come through your training?

Felix: Most describe a mindset shift away from “winning” (which is a highly abstract concept unless we define what it means for us) towards collaborative problem-solving; the stage in which the magic happens when we start creating trust, value & long-lasting relationships.

Claudia: In a nutshell, what are some of the business benefits that the increased negotiation capacity of individuals and an in-house team can bring?

Felix: Less transaction cost, less intra-team conflict, higher substantial outcomes, more trust and more overall collaboration both internally & externally.

Claudia: What have you personally found most enjoyable or challenging?

Felix: Being an intrapreneur is different from my former experiences as an entrepreneur but also very exciting. I enjoy working with global teams and being exposed to so many views & cultures daily while having the chance to build & work in one of Germany’s most iconic companies. Also, the size and complexity of deals here are quite high, which is a valuable and motivating experience.

Claudia: Where do you personally benefit most from the skills you are teaching?

Felix: I recently read that the human brain learns best when we explain or teach to others. So every time I get to teach our colleagues, I am constantly learning more myself, which is another nice win-win outcome as well.

Claudia: I feel the same! Thanks for taking the time Felix and I hope, I never see you on the other side of a deal! 😉

Felix: Haha same, but if so, I am sure we would “Go Northeast” together!

 

(1) Views expressed are purely personal and do not represent Deutsche Bank.

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Buying an Audi for the price of a Volkswagen

Or how to Make Bargaining a Gift for Both

In the world of negotiations, there’s a fine art to getting what you want without leaving the other party feeling like they’ve been shortchanged. A few years ago, my friend Dana demonstrated this artistry when he managed to snag an Audi A4 for the price of a Volkswagen Golf.

You heard that right – an A4 for the price of a Golf!

How did she do it? Let’s dive into the story and extract some valuable lessons in negotiation along the way.

Step 1: Research and Preparation

Dana didn’t walk into the dealership blindfolded. She did her homework. She knew the dealer price, wholesale price, current promotions, models that were on the way out and the typical discounts Audi dealers were willing to offer.

Step 2: Clarity of Intent

Dana went into negotiations with a clear idea of what she wanted – that Audi A4 at a specific price. Having a precise target in mind helped her steer the negotiations towards her desired outcome.

Step 3: Patience

Negotiations can be a waiting game. Dana spent multiple weeks in negotiations, showing no signs of impatience or desperation. She understood that rushing could sabotage her chances of getting the deal she wanted.

Step 4: Express Interest

Throughout the negotiation process, Dana consistently expressed her interest in the car at the desired price. This signaled to the dealer that she was serious about the purchase. This may seem counterintuitive at first, but showing commitment can actually work better than a cold “Oh, I don’t really want it” approach if you want the other side to work with you.

Step 5: Collaboration

Instead of viewing the negotiation as a battle, Dana collaborated with the salesperson. Together, they explored various avenues for discounts – from manufacturer incentives to trade-in deals, prolonged warranty, free tires and seasonal promotions.

Step 6: Negotiation Power

Besides the Information she had collected and the relationship she had built, Dana also created leverage in numbers by timing her purchase with two other friends. Presenting the potential of selling three cars instead of one created hug purchasing power on her side, and an equally huge incentive on the car dealer’s side to get the deal.

Step 7: Relationship Building

Dana leveraged her existing relationship with the dealership. Having purchased her previous car there, she highlighted her loyalty and hinted at potential future business.

Step 8: Win-Win

Ultimately, Dana achieved a win-win scenario. While she walked away with an Audi A4 for the price of a Volkswagen Golf, the car dealer also benefited. Selling three cars in one go significantly boosted the salesperson’s commission (Dana encouraged him to negotiate his commission with his boss, and he got an increase to almost double his normal commission too!).

In essence, bargaining isn’t just about driving a hard bargain; it’s about finding creative solutions that satisfy both parties. By following these steps – from thorough research to fostering collaboration and maintaining patience – you too can turn bargaining into a gift for both sides.

So, the next time you’re in a negotiation, remember: it’s not about who can outwit the other, but rather how you can work together to find a solution that leaves everyone feeling like a winner.

Whether it’s for your new car or your client’s contract – the power is with those who collaborate!

To your negotiation success!

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Unleashing your Inner Negotiator: Your 8-Week Workout Plan

In the last post  Negotiation Nugget, we debunked the myth that negotiation skills are an inborn skill, and I gave you 7 tips to start training your inner negotiator.

Now, it’s time to take your negotiation game seriously and join our 8-week workout plan* to build your negotiation muscle and turn you into a negotiation powerhouse.

 

WEEK 1+2 – Warm-up Program: Boosting Comfort Levels

Objective: Increase comfort levels, view everything as negotiable

In this warm-up phase, treat negotiations like a daily workout. Start with small, inconsequential matters:

– Leave work early for an event.

– Personal coffee machine/printer/whiteboard in the office.

– Discounts at the supermarket/clothing store.

– New case/partner/team at work.

– Conference/training attendance.

– Neighbor cat-sitting during your vacation.

– Coffee discount (or free cake).

Remember, the goal is to make negotiation a part of your daily routine, gradually building your comfort and confidence.

Try to ask for at least one extra thing a day!

WEEK 3+4 – Ask for More: Set High Goals, Conquer Fear

Objective: Set ambitious goals, overcome fear of asking too much

Now it’s time to push your boundaries and ask for more than you think is acceptable:

– Instead of a 10% discount, ask for 20%.

– Request 4 weeks of vacation instead of the usual 2.

– Negotiate for both a new phone and Airpods at work.

– Upgrade from one screen to two.

– Extend remote work in Bali to 2 months.

Challenge yourself to ask for double what you expect, breaking through your comfort zone.

WEEK 5+6 – Go for “No”: Embrace Rejection, Fuel Creativity

Objective: Aim high, expect rejection, overcome fear of being turned down

Creativity is the key in this phase. Ask for things you believe are impossible and embrace rejection as a part of the negotiation process:

– 1+1 free at the coffee shop.

– Free inspection for the second car.

– 50% off dental cleaning for you and your partner.

– Discounts on your insurance or mobile subscription.

– Free upgrade on a flight or access to the business class lounge.

Remember, a rejection is just a stepping stone to a successful negotiation. Get comfortable with the word “No.”

And you would surprised, how often I have gotten something whenever I ask in a situation I expected a sure no.

WEEK 7+8 – All In / Final Sprint: Get What Matters

Objective: Pursue what’s important, negotiate for life improvements

In the final stretch, focus on negotiations that truly matter to you:

– Work-break e.g. from 6-8 PM.

– Guaranteed night blocked for yourself every week.

– Secondment to a desired location.

– Specialized training in a specific area.

– Childcare flexibility.

– Salary increase.

– 50% contribution to evening meals from your partner.

Whatever it is that will make your life easier, now is the time to go all in and secure what will make a significant impact on your life. You’ve built your negotiation muscle—time to flex it!

Let’s do this!

Are you ready to take your negotiation skills to the next level over the next 8 weeks?

Comment “I am in” below to join our workout group so we can keep each other accountable. Research shows that we are 10 times more committed to following through with something if we do it with other people and commit to it publicly. I will personally check in with you every 2 weeks to see how it is going and if you need any help!

To your negotiation success!

 

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Let’s get Ripped: Building Your Negotiation Muscle!

I don’t go to the gym in January. Too crowded with people who are trying to stick to their New Year’s Resolutions.

Don’t worry if you don’t feel like working out, either. It’s not too late to build another muscle for 2024!

 

Introducing: The Negotiation Muscle

There is a major myth out there about Negotiation skills. Many people think that Negotiation is an innate skill. That people are born with it, and you either have it or you do not.

People who believe this, let me look you deep into your pretty eyes and tell you firmly but lovingly, once and for all: THAT’S NONSENSE!

Some people might have more talent to become excellent negotiators. But negotiation as a whole is a skill that must be learned.

 

Learning requires practice

Saying “I am just not good at negotiations” is like saying “I am just not strong” without having set foot into a gym. Developing Negotiation skills begins with overcoming your insecurities, fears, and other inhibitions and just making the first ask. And then another one. And then another one.

Our discomfort in making a small request in low-stakes situations keeps us from growing comfort in making a move in high-stakes negotiations.

If fear and discomfort are keeping you from negotiating for more of what you want and deserve, starting to negotiate in your daily life is your first important step.

And for my ladies reading this, as per Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever’s research (Women Don’t Ask – go read that, it’s brilliant!), we only negotiate about 25% as much as men do! If you don’t ask, you won’t get. So if you identify, please read this extra carefully.

Okay, ready to get ripped?

 

Here are 7 small hacks that help you get really good at it.

Before we start: WHAT all is negotiable?

Some things are more obvious than others, and I hope you already always negotiate these. Things like your salary (yes, annually!), buying a car, your rent, buying an apartment.

But much beyond that, to rock these big negotiations, you need to train your negotiation muscle on the small daily negotiations.

Things you may not consider a negotiation (yet): Who goes out to buy the groceries, your phone bill, newspaper subscription, gym membership, the timeline for returning a draft, your seat on an airplane, check-out time, hotel room category, the clothes in a store, and and and. Which brings us to hack number 1:

 

#1: Consider everything negotiable

For a lot of reasons, we often don’t think something is negotiable. We have never seen someone negotiate it, we have been conditioned by society that something is not negotiable, or we simply believe that just because there is a written price tag that means that this thing is not negotiable. But those are just stories we tell ourselves. Until you ask, you NEVER know if it might be negotiable. I have been surprised by the most unexpected places, what all you can negotiate!

When in doubt, I always remember that there was once a study that said that only 25% of Americans ask for a discount, but about 80% or so who do will actually get SOMETHING. Now, if that isn’t motivating, I don’t know?!

 

#2: Start a habit of asking

Call up any subscription and say “I am looking through my subscriptions to see how I can cut down on cost. I am a loyal customer, so I wanted to see if you can make me a better deal.” You never know where you can get a cheaper deal, or extra service/bandwidth/discount.

Or, looking to buy this new luxury duvet? Email 2-3 sellers and tell them that you would love to get one for Xmas/a birthday whatever the reasons but that you are still hesitant about the price and if they could e.g. give a 15% discount. I have even done that with Amazon 3d party sellers, and it works!

 

#3: Let them compete / Improve your BATNA

BATNA – your alternative, is the strongest tool in your negotiator toolbox. So always get a few different offers and let them negotiate against each other. I recently had a safety grill installed for my kids on our balcony. Having 3 providers quote for the same thing got me 50% off the most expensive quotation. You don’t even have to negotiate much, you just keep pointing out that another provider has offered a better price, but you would love to work with them and ask if they could match.

 

#4: Humour

Negotiation is not a fight, it’s a dance! Doing it with appreciation, charm, and humour works best. People like to give things to people they like.

E.g. hubby and I are in his shoe store. After a while, I walk up to the salesperson saying “My husband is eying the 3rd pair already, we need to start talking about a bulk discount or I will have to drag him out of here.“

Quick wit also works well. Cashier: “Do you need a corporate invoice”? “No, but we would take a corporate discount if you have?” – 20% off in the home improvement store because of some random coupon she finds in her drawer. How much easier can you have €600 thrown at you for doing close to nothing?

Of course, this doesn’t always work. But the point is to practice. And not just “the ask”, but also dealing with the rejection. Or the alternative people throw at you. Surprising moments such as “Can you do something else (points at the price tag)? “No, but I can throw in a hug” (😲) teaches you valid lessons in handling responses with poise and expect and reply to the unexpected.

 

#5: Think beyond the money

Great negotiators never forget the non-momentary stuff. It’s not always money. Often, there are non-monetary options that the other side can give you much more easily, and that are valuable for you. E.g. more days off from work, waiving the climbing gym initiation fee, getting 12 months for 10, getting a free personal training session, a free room upgrade, a spa voucher, an airport pickup, a voucher for your next visit, etc.

Even if you end up getting no discount, you might walk out with something.

 

#6: Look out for their interests (and trade for yours)

Good deals are always a two-way street. If you can find things that are beneficial to them, they are more likely to i) agree and ii) give you a good deal. When we negotiated our rental contract in Singapore (at the worst time..) we offered a variety of things to get a better price that we thought could be of interest to the landlord. Things like painting the place, an earlier move-in date, a longer contract term, an up-front payment, etc. 10% off the asking price at a time when people snatched up apartments!

 

#7: Show that you have done your research

Information is power. Knowing what other people are making, how much other stores are charging, what margins there are, what sales targets they have etc allows you to say “Can you match ..“, “What rate can you give us if we book directly with you and you don’t have to shell out 15% to booking.com?”

 

Summing Up:

  1. Consider everything negotiable.
  2. Get into a habit of asking.
  3. Let providers compete/improve your BATNA.
  4. Use humor and connect with people.
  5. Think beyond money.
  6. Look out for their interests.
  7. Show that you have done your research.

 

Ready to get to work?

Stay tuned for the next Negotiation Nugget. I will share with you an 8-week workout plan for your negotiation muscle that you can follow to become more comfortable with high-stakes negotiation by increasing your comfort in the daily ones.

To your negotiation success!

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

 

Kids and Other “Irrational Negotiators” – A Holiday Special

They say people engage in an average of 2–10 negotiations per day. This must exclude parenting and holiday family gatherings. For those, we probably have to add a “0” or two.

Once you have little negotiators in your house, everything from putting on pants to eating lunch to leaving the house becomes a negotiation (read to the end for my favorite comedian clip on that).

My kids are now 3 and 1. They both started negotiating when they were around 9 months old (“I am NOT eating my breakfast, I want yours—points and shouts“).

As I am heading into a 3-week “break from work” (spoiler alert, it isn’t; see my Out-of-Office below), I thought I’d summarize what I have learned so far about how to negotiate with children and other “reasonable” family members.

This year’s word-for-word Out-of-Office reply for Negotiation Academy.

I must note that there won’t be any negotiation classes dedicated to parenting at the Negotiation Academy anytime soon. In fact, if you see a good one, sign me up!

But here is what I have learned so far about what a seasoned negotiator can use as a novice parent.

Let’s assume

Imagine you had a big fight with your mum or dad. Now you are home, telling your spouse all about it. They try various ways to help. How would you feel about each of these attempts:

  • Defend the other side: “I can understand their reaction.. I mean, you have to consider that they are old now and from a different time..“
  • Pity: “Oh no, you poor thing. These parents always..“
  • Question: “Why did you say that to her if you know she is sensitive about it?“
  • Advice: “Maybe you should call and apologize.“
  • Diminishing: “Oh, don’t be so upset. You are overreacting. It’s not that bad.“
  • Own experience: “Oh yes, I also had a bad fight with my mum the other day. She told me that…“

Do you recognize these in your environment?

Do any of these make you feel better?

I am going to assume your answer is “No”.

What would make you feel better?

How about an empathetic response: “Oh gosh, that does sound like a horrible fight. And it must have come at the worst time when you were already exhausted from the long weekend with the kids and guests.“

Better?

Most of us grow up having our feelings denied.

It’s the small things we were told.

  • “It’s not a big deal!”
  • “You are a big boy now.”
  • “You are just tired.”
  • “Don’t make such a big drama out of it.”
  • “You are acting like a baby.”
  • “Look how brave your little sister is.”

Sound familiar?

Yes for me.

Does it work to help calm down kids (or anyone for that matter)?

No, ma’am.

Enter a negotiator strategy for meltdowns, tantrums, and everything in between:

Acknowledge, don’t diminish

Here is one bit of advice we give for dealing with difficult negotiation counterparts. But brace yourself. It’s a tough one.

 

No one gets up in the morning thinking, “Today I will be completely irrational.” Everybody ALWAYS makes sense to themselves.

Yes. Always.

“But surely not this XXX person.”

Yes. Everyone!

 

I know. I told you this was hard to believe.

But it is true. People always make sense for themselves. So do kids. Just that they are little aliens who don’t yet know how things work around here on this planet.

Here is where our power comes in. No matter if we are with irrational seeming adults or kids. Our ONLY power is to try and see how what they are doing makes sense for them.

Because here is the problem: The moment you write them off as “irrational,” you have given away all power to change the situation.

So when you find yourself getting triggered into thinking “This person is totally irrational,” ask yourself this: “How does what this person is doing/thinking make sense to them? What information am I missing so that I don’t feel like it is making sense?”

Here is the 4 part formula I have put together for myself when it comes to my toddlers.

 

Enter the LSAT model

I use the LSAT model (such as a lawyer, I know).

It stands for Listen, Sympathize, Acknowledge, and Talk Alternatives.

In the past 24 hours, my kids threw a fit because ..

  • they wanted that orange juice right now;
  • they wanted to keep banging on the sofa table;
  • they didn’t want to go to school;
  • they wanted to be carried all the way home (at 20kgs..).

Strong-willed communicators as they are, they often land on the floor, making sure those wishes are heard by everyone in a one-mile radius.

Enter LSAT:

  1. Listen (don’t interrupt, diminish, or offer explanations, etc, see above)
  2. Sympathize: Verbalize to them why they are upset. It’s counterintuitive, but try! You might add your own feelings about it. “Oh, you really want that orange juice now?” “I also really like Orange Juice.“
  3. Acknowledge: Find a word to describe the feeling. “That must be frustrating.” “You look like you are really angry.”
  4. Talk Alternatives: Give them two other options of what to do now. “Would you like to walk to school or sit in the pram?“

Put together, this sounds something like this (imagine a 3-year-old who has thrown themselves on the floor and shouts off the top of their lungs)

“Oh, you really want that Orange Juice now, don’t you? Orange Juice is so yummy. Do you really like Orange Juice, ha? I also really like Orange Juice. Shall we have one after lunch? Would you like the one with pulp or the one without?”

“You are upset that mummy told you not to bang on the table. You really want to bang on the table, hm? The sound is fun. It’s frustrating when we have to stop doing something that is fun. I see you like to bang something and make a noise. Would you like to play with your piano in your room, or take the tennis racket and go down and hit some balls?

“You are upset that Papa didn’t carry you home. I know, it’s so nice being carried. I would love to be carried too. All day would be best!! 🙂 Isn’t it comfortable to hang over someone’s shoulder? (looks up and nods) Would you like me to pick you up and hang over my shoulder on the sofa a little, or would you like to get a big snuggle from Papa?”

“You don’t want to go to school today ha? We are having so much fun playing cars at home. I also want to keep playing. It’s frustrating when we have to stop doing something we enjoy. We should play again when you get back. For now, do you want to have Bananas or Dragon fruit for your lunch box at school today?“

I am still a novice at this parenting game but the difference I’ve seen between saying these things and “No, you can’t have an orange juice now we are having lunch first”, “We can’t carry you, you are too heavy”, “Don’t bang on the table it’s too loud” and “But you have to go to school” is tremendous!

It seems to me, that the default we have been shown, taught, and programmed to do – talk down the feeling, explain, rationalize, tell kids what to do – just leads to kids starting out being frustrated about the situation and end up being frustrated with parents.

Like in negotiations, when feelings are denied, parties become hostile.

Age doesn’t matter.

The language will change. The underlying concepts don’t.

 

If you have kids (big or small :D), I am curious for you to try out LSAT!

Please make sure to let me know how it went and what other things you have discovered that work. I am all ears!

 

Happy Negotiation Bootcamp, aka Holidays, everyone!

See you on the other side.

Claudia

 

PS: As promised, here is my favorite comedy piece on negotiating with kids by Michael McIntyre.

PPS: And a book recommendation: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.
Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.

Creating Rapport – Even with people you can’t stand

A few years ago, I was meant to interview James Corden (carpool karaoke anyone?) at a business conference in Los Angeles. I had prepared all my witty introductions, clever questions about his negotiation habits, and more. It was going to be great.

About an hour before the interview, the conference organizers told me that James wasn’t coming because his wife had to go to the hospital and that I was going to be on the stage with Charlie Sheen instead. I froze.

While I had been a big fan of Two and a Half Men as a teenager, the things he has been known for since triggered everything but positive feelings in me for this person.

I panicked. What should I say to this man whose behavior and reputation I wanted nothing to do with?

Once I had moved past my initial shock, I looked at the advice I give to negotiators who are faced with a counterpart they do not like or get along with well:

 

Look for commonalities and things you can appreciate, no matter how small.

 

I thought long and hard. Did we have anything in common?? I didn’t think so.

But eventually, I found something. It was risky and cheeky. But I figured risky and cheeky was exactly what this situation called for.

 

You can see how nervous I was.

But it worked!

We got a big laugh from the 2,500 people staring at us in anticipation.

To this day, I still can’t believe I said this to him. But he was a good sport, and it sure did break the ice, got us going with a laugh, and made the audience comfortable. And I could take it from there.

 

In a negotiation, you cannot allow your personal feelings to influence your chances of getting a good deal.

 

Here are the two tips I have for negotiators who find themselves with a counterpart they are having difficulty connecting with:

 

  1. Find something about them that you can appreciate

This can be hard – but try harder! There has to be something about that person that you can relate to, that is good, that is a silver lining. Nobody is all evil. It could be things they have done in the past (Two and Half Men was pretty cool when I was a teenager) or something where taking their perspective helps you appreciate why they might act the way they are acting.

Say you are negotiating with a counterpart who seems to have all kinds of unreasonable demands that they are trying to push. Try to imagine the kind of pressure they might be getting from their firm, partner, or client. Then articulate it. Say something like “I was just thinking about this case last night and how tricky it must be on your side as well having to deal with all these conflicting and ever-changing interests“. The way you say that matters! Not as a tactic, not condescending, but with true empathy for the situation. This won’t change your entire relationship, but it can go a long way in building a bridge to the other person.

Or say your flight gets cancelled and everyone is rushing to the counter to rebook. The staff is overwhelmed and passengers are impatient. Try for yourself what difference it will make if you approach them with a smile and honest appreciation of what they are trying to do and how hard their job is at the moment. An authentic  “wow, I’ve been watching you from the back for a while and I am so impressed with what grace you are handling this stressful situation” can change your encounter with that person (and your chances for an upgrade 😉 by 180 degrees!

Frenemies posing post-interview =)

     2. Find commonalities

Like in my Charlie Sheen situation, it can be hard to find commonalities with people you don’t like. We may also not want to. “I have nothing in common with this person“, was the first thing I noticed myself thinking. If we don’t like someone, the last thing we want to think is that we have anything in common.

But chances are that we do! So, if a poor relationship with someone is getting in the way, look out for them. I have seen people who do not speak with each other suddenly bond over the most random things! Like their love for durian (a smelly and very polarizing fruit in Asia), or their passion for fine wines where suddenly they can one-up each other (hey, at least they are talking), or their daughters both being semi-professional air rifle shooters training for the Olympics (until last week I had no idea that was even a competitive sport!). From my examples, you see that the more rare the commonality, the stronger the connection. So look for these!

I truly believe that whoever it is, no matter how “bad” the situation or connection, if you are determined, you can always find something.

And it may not always work or succeed in improving the relationship on the first attempt. But without giving it a try, you have already given up.

Not trying means that you have given away your power to make a positive contribution to that relationship and the possible deal or benefit that can come out of it.

To your negotiation success!

Dr. Claudia

Your Negotiation Whisperer

 

If you enjoyed this content, feel free to sign up for our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.

Each week, you will get a bite-size email unpacking some of the most fundamental negotiation concepts that you can apply in your everyday negotiations, along with an insight video and book recommendation to go further in areas you want to learn more about.